Addicted To Debt
There's this guy at work. A few months ago, he came to my cabin and asked for a hundred bucks. Said he was hungry and had run out of cash. This was the post demonetization era, and everyone seemed to be in a cash crunch. I asked if that would suffice, knowing he comes from a slightly economically challenged house-hold. He showed a face that suggested more would be better. And I offered him Rs 500/-, which he could return next month on receiving his salary.
A colleague of mine, sitting there watched this whole interaction. This person, the borrower was in my colleague's hierarchy. After the guy left, he (my colleague), tells me that he had borrowed money from him too a couple of occasions in the past. And from a few other colleagues as well. And I went 'Ahaaan', the universal expression for 'discovery' and the one-word substitute for 'And then it dawned on me'. Since this wasn't my first experience with a 'serial borrower', I knew what would happen. This guy would return the 500/-. And true to his word and my prediction, bang on pay day, my 500/- was returned.
I also knew from past experiences with few such people that they wouldn't immediately come back to borrow again. Sure enough, a couple of months passed, by when a few other team members were baited / swindled of small amounts, I gather.
Last week he came to me again. This time the ask was a significant amount. Rs 1000/-. Significant from a 'borrowing it from a stranger' perspective. Reason quoted, all money spent on medical expenses and remaining sent home. Knowing fully well this was a ploy, I stalled. Perhaps I chickened out on saying an emphatic no. So I told him I didn't have that much cash on me. It was a Friday evening, so I said, check with me again on Monday if you are still in need. Now I was off the first four days of the week and was back in office only the next Friday (a full seven days after he last asked me). And yet, a week later, the gentleman walks into the cabin again. I chickened out again. Perhaps I was gonna end up giving him the money and then potentially writing it off. But since I had just stepped in, I bought a few minutes saying let me sit down at least. He left, and came back 15 minutes later. But things had changed. Something had turned in my head. Inner senses of self defense and self preservation woke up, and came to my rescue. I told him, I am not gonna give him Rs1000/-. "It's not that I don't have it. It's that I am not comfortable lending it to you". He shrugged, said "Ok, hope you didn't mistake me". "Hope you didn't mistake me either", I replied.
It all should have ended there. But 'Saying No' took courage and energy on my part. It drained me emotionally. It made me uncomfortable. It wasn't my normal. A part of me felt guilt for 'not helping someone in need when you can'. It gnawed at me, and for a moment, I even got up to call him back and give him the money and apologize. Something in me, Intuition, Reason, Past experiences, and a certain amount of IDGAF was garnered. In my mind I alienated myself from him. From whatever problems he may have had. After all, it wasn't as if we were 'friends', we were mere coworkers. So it wasn't difficult to stay emotionally detached.
This morning, I woke up still thinking about that incident. I looked up online on such behaviors. Indeed, it appears, it is a form of addiction.
Here's what I read. (No point copy pasting and quoting sources). This is mere additional material in case you know someone who is suffering from a similar affliction. Yes, it seems to be a condition alright.
https://www.erikbohlin.net/money.htm
Next step - figuring out whether I should leave it as it is, or find him some help? Is a Debt Addiction Intervention in order?
A colleague of mine, sitting there watched this whole interaction. This person, the borrower was in my colleague's hierarchy. After the guy left, he (my colleague), tells me that he had borrowed money from him too a couple of occasions in the past. And from a few other colleagues as well. And I went 'Ahaaan', the universal expression for 'discovery' and the one-word substitute for 'And then it dawned on me'. Since this wasn't my first experience with a 'serial borrower', I knew what would happen. This guy would return the 500/-. And true to his word and my prediction, bang on pay day, my 500/- was returned.
I also knew from past experiences with few such people that they wouldn't immediately come back to borrow again. Sure enough, a couple of months passed, by when a few other team members were baited / swindled of small amounts, I gather.
Last week he came to me again. This time the ask was a significant amount. Rs 1000/-. Significant from a 'borrowing it from a stranger' perspective. Reason quoted, all money spent on medical expenses and remaining sent home. Knowing fully well this was a ploy, I stalled. Perhaps I chickened out on saying an emphatic no. So I told him I didn't have that much cash on me. It was a Friday evening, so I said, check with me again on Monday if you are still in need. Now I was off the first four days of the week and was back in office only the next Friday (a full seven days after he last asked me). And yet, a week later, the gentleman walks into the cabin again. I chickened out again. Perhaps I was gonna end up giving him the money and then potentially writing it off. But since I had just stepped in, I bought a few minutes saying let me sit down at least. He left, and came back 15 minutes later. But things had changed. Something had turned in my head. Inner senses of self defense and self preservation woke up, and came to my rescue. I told him, I am not gonna give him Rs1000/-. "It's not that I don't have it. It's that I am not comfortable lending it to you". He shrugged, said "Ok, hope you didn't mistake me". "Hope you didn't mistake me either", I replied.
It all should have ended there. But 'Saying No' took courage and energy on my part. It drained me emotionally. It made me uncomfortable. It wasn't my normal. A part of me felt guilt for 'not helping someone in need when you can'. It gnawed at me, and for a moment, I even got up to call him back and give him the money and apologize. Something in me, Intuition, Reason, Past experiences, and a certain amount of IDGAF was garnered. In my mind I alienated myself from him. From whatever problems he may have had. After all, it wasn't as if we were 'friends', we were mere coworkers. So it wasn't difficult to stay emotionally detached.
This morning, I woke up still thinking about that incident. I looked up online on such behaviors. Indeed, it appears, it is a form of addiction.
Here's what I read. (No point copy pasting and quoting sources). This is mere additional material in case you know someone who is suffering from a similar affliction. Yes, it seems to be a condition alright.
https://www.erikbohlin.net/money.htm
Next step - figuring out whether I should leave it as it is, or find him some help? Is a Debt Addiction Intervention in order?
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